I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
