What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
