The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
