yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
