guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
