and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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