Nicole vs. Life
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
