Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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