Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
