you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
