just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You took a bar mat shot.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize