I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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