I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
