so explain again why im purple
no
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
