The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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