I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
