just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
