why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
