The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
