Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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