She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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