He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize