I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize