dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
