haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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