mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
