you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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