I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
