i think my mom watched the whole time
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
