i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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