Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
