her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
a search helicopter?!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
