remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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