the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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