ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
