my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
