Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize