They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
