then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
