Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize