Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
