Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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