I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
