dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
