Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize