how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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