gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
