I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
