She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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