Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
