Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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