I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
