I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
