i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
