I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
