I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
