Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
