It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
