i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
