when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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