she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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