The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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