Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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