Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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