Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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