I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize