Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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