My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
