Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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