last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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