I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize